Thursday, 24 February 2011
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Pro's of Prozac
Note to self :
When shovelling a tonne of mulch on a very cold and very wet Northamptonshire day DO NOT listen to any of the following 3 artists on your ipod for uplifting (pun intended) material.
James Blunt
Amy Winehouse
Kasey Chambers
Oh my good lordy. Listened to a combined 57 tracks form the aforementioned and reached for the prozac at days end.
Question of the day- Regardless of your speed on any motorway in the UK why is it that a man in a van will always overtake you ?
When shovelling a tonne of mulch on a very cold and very wet Northamptonshire day DO NOT listen to any of the following 3 artists on your ipod for uplifting (pun intended) material.
James Blunt
Amy Winehouse
Kasey Chambers
Oh my good lordy. Listened to a combined 57 tracks form the aforementioned and reached for the prozac at days end.
Question of the day- Regardless of your speed on any motorway in the UK why is it that a man in a van will always overtake you ?
Friday, 18 February 2011
Maps
It doesn't matter which map (nautical, areonautical, topographical, life, romantic etc..) you look at.
Your destination will always be on the fold or crease.
Your destination will always be on the fold or crease.
Monday, 14 February 2011
Official rort
Yesterday a good friend tells me the left rear tail light on my car is not working. Slightly miffed because I have just had the car completely overhauled and serviced in preparation for renewal of its registration I trapse on down to the nearest auto centre and buy a spare bulb. I lie. I in fact purchase a packet of two for the princely sum of 99p.
I return home with the full intent of replacing the bulb. However somehow the thought of watching Match of the Day on BBC2 supplants that of a little mechanical DIY and so the latter gets postponed.
A day later I discover that my bulb purchase has gone walkabouts so I keep in mind that next time I'm passing the official dealership of my car I will pop in and purchase another one or two from them.
Today I find myself passing the dealership so I pop in.
After being guided to the spare sales department by a most courteous receptionist the following dialogue takes place
NW- Hi there. I have to replace one of these. (See spare part PSW23ZF4536778)
Salesman - Your lucky day sir we have about 400 in stock
NW - Great! I'll have one please. Ahh, make that two, I may as well get a spare whilst I'm here. How much will that be?
Salesman - (click, click, click on the computer keypad) That will be 12 GBP for 2.
NW - No, perhaps you didn't hear me. I don't need two dozen. I don't need 200. I need just two. 2, duet, tupela,deux,swei....
Salesman - Sure I heard you sir. Two as in 2. They are 6 GBP each and unless my maths teacher taught me wrong, then two times 6 = 12.
NW - Coughing up the mint he had pilfered form the bowl in reception...That's a rort. How is it that the exact same bulbs cost me 49 and a half pence last night at a garage and now you want to charge me 6 GBP for the same thing?
Salesman - Ahh yes but this is an officially sanctioned spare part.
NW - It's an officially sanctioned rort is what it is.
Fustrated salesman - So do you want the bulbs or not sir ?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..
Question of the day - When disembarking from an aircraft and standing facing the front why is it that the right hand aisle always moves quicker than the left?
I return home with the full intent of replacing the bulb. However somehow the thought of watching Match of the Day on BBC2 supplants that of a little mechanical DIY and so the latter gets postponed.
A day later I discover that my bulb purchase has gone walkabouts so I keep in mind that next time I'm passing the official dealership of my car I will pop in and purchase another one or two from them.
Today I find myself passing the dealership so I pop in.
After being guided to the spare sales department by a most courteous receptionist the following dialogue takes place
NW- Hi there. I have to replace one of these. (See spare part PSW23ZF4536778)
Salesman - Your lucky day sir we have about 400 in stock
NW - Great! I'll have one please. Ahh, make that two, I may as well get a spare whilst I'm here. How much will that be?
Salesman - (click, click, click on the computer keypad) That will be 12 GBP for 2.
NW - No, perhaps you didn't hear me. I don't need two dozen. I don't need 200. I need just two. 2, duet, tupela,deux,swei....
Salesman - Sure I heard you sir. Two as in 2. They are 6 GBP each and unless my maths teacher taught me wrong, then two times 6 = 12.
NW - Coughing up the mint he had pilfered form the bowl in reception...That's a rort. How is it that the exact same bulbs cost me 49 and a half pence last night at a garage and now you want to charge me 6 GBP for the same thing?
Salesman - Ahh yes but this is an officially sanctioned spare part.
NW - It's an officially sanctioned rort is what it is.
Fustrated salesman - So do you want the bulbs or not sir ?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..
Question of the day - When disembarking from an aircraft and standing facing the front why is it that the right hand aisle always moves quicker than the left?
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