Amusing musings...

I went for a swim today at the local pool. Couple of musings followed.

Musing no.1 - Given the complex has both an outdoor and indoor pool and given today is one of those perfect English summer's day why would you even consider swimming indoors?

Musing no.2 - Is swimming laps one of the more mind numbing activities created? John Trudgen has a lot to answer for.

Lap 1 - Enter water and commence swimming wondering how overweight you look in a pair of budgie smugglers.

Mindset after 15 strokes = ''Hey this isn't too bad. I've still got it''


Lap 1.5 - ''Got it ??? Who was I kidding. I don't ever recall it being this hard''


Lap 3 - Spot that used band aid on the bottom of the pool for the third time and wonder if it has moved.

Lap 4 - Swimming technique starts to seriously deteriorate and your action resembles the flapping of a landed fish on a boat deck.

Musing no.3- If we call them ''French doors'' what do the French call them?

Lap 5 - In between breaths of self survival you notice a hairpin has joined the band aid in your lane and you wonder where it has come from. Anything to keep your mind off the strain you are now feeling just attempting to stay a float.

Lap 6 - You know you are in serious trouble when a pregnant woman breast stroke's effortlessly past you.

Musing no.4- I wonder what I would've done with that £136 million won on Euro millions the other night.

Lap 7 - Your freestyle flapping has been downgraded from landed fish to to the movement not too dissimilar to a gyrating youth high on a cocktail of E, speed, and red bull, dancing to loud and heavy beat home music. Think flailing arms and epileptic legs.

Musing no.5- Who I'm kidding trying to muse. Staying afloat and alive is all consuming.

Lap 8 - Highlight of the lap is noticing the band aid has moved lanes but the hairpin is still there.

Lap 9 - You are tapped on the head at the turn of the lap by a pimple faced ''Lifesaver'' and asked to move from the 'slow' lane into the 'free n easy ' lane. You don't get a chance to say goodbye to either the band aid or the hairpin.

Lap 10 - Doesn't exist