FX Aviator: Paris and thoughts

I was fortunate enough to be in Paris the last couple of days.

An easy 2 hours and 18 minutes train trip from the centre of London to the cultural centre of Europe.

Here are some thoughts. Long winded thought they might be, they are nonetheless accurately reflective of my state of mind these past few days.

Being conspicuous. We all try to avoid it. Well most of us do. So bear with me here as I take a little trip sideways.

Many a moon ago when I was doing an exchange program in New York and I had 3 weeks work experience on a trading desk in the Big Apple one of my American colleagues suggested catching a baseball game at the Mets stadium out on Long Island.....

'' I'll pick you up on the corner of 121st and 2nd '' he shouted across the desk much to the mirth and chuckles of his fellow Americans.

'' Sure !'' I replied. Innocently condemning myself to a 45 minute experience that has has obviously left indelible scars on my memory since.

So I caught the train up the Manhattan east side to the aforementioned station.

Rising above ground I discovered very quickly that perhaps I had got off the at the wrong station. I re-checked the piece of paper that he had kindly scratched directions on and gulped uncomfortably when I realised that I was in fact at the right station. My throat went drier than a hair dried cracker.

My discomfort was existent as the result of my presence being the only caucasian within 400 miles (or so it seemed) of where I stood. It was one of those moments in life when no expression better examples your way of thinking than ,

''What the fuck?''.

To my mind I may as well have been a maggot on the end of fishing hook in a trout farm. Or a flapless Canadian cub seal, marooned on an ice flow surrounded by baseball wielding inuits.

So precarious did my situation feel that I took off my watch, and under the pretence of doing my shoe lace up, I bent over and placed it in my left sock. I withdrew my silver money clip and threw it into the depths of my boxer shorts adorned crotch.

If I had had a wedding band at the time I probably would have taken it off and swallowed it.

Needless to say my concern was unfounded and 45 minutes later, fully intact I climbed into my hosts car.

Moments later he said - '' We all thought it would be a great laugh to have you stand at the epicentre of the Boyz Hood for a couple of minutes, cos I had to drive across the northern part of Manhattan from New Jersey to get to the Mets game on Long Island.''

Funny ha ha indeed.

Why do I take you on this journey back to 1991?

Well.

Have you ever been to a black tie function and being the only person to turn up wearing a business casual suit? Or disregarded an invitation to get dressed up for a fancy dress party only to discover you are the one prat who is not wearing anything close to resembling a costume?

OK.

Now transport yourself if you can to Barbles Rochechouart metro station on the Paris network.

If you are a white anglo male and 46 years old wearing an Omega Speedmaster watch on your wrist whilst clothed in a Rodd and Gunn polo shirt with authentic Levis 501 jeans and a pair of Converse sneakers pulling a Samsonite cabin bag on wheels then certain things are going to become fairly obvious fairly quickly.

In no necessary order they are

1. You are the only male not from Tunisia or Algeria within 200 metres of the station.
2. You are the only male not wearing fake aftershave
3. You are the only male not wearing a heavy linked gold chain around your neck with accompanying wrist chain.
4. You are possibly the only man in the vicinity to not have spent a small fortune on ''manscaping''
5. You are the only man not trying to sell black market Marlboro cigarettes.
6. You are the only male not trying to sell fake branded sunglasses
7. You are the only male not driving a clapped out and pimped up 1982 Honda Accord with a stereo system worth more than the car
8. You are one of the few men not cooking corn cobs using an upturned supermarket trolley as your grill and then trying to flog them for 1 EUR a piece
9. You are the only person not trying to enter the football ground styled turnstiles the wrong way in order to avoid paying for a metro ticket
10. You are the only male for whom English or French is your first language.
11. You are the only male that hasn't decided that the best place to relieve yourself is up against the metro ticket machine
12. You are the only male not carrying a knife, box cutter, gun, switch blade, nunchucka set, Kendo stick, M60 or a SAM in your back pocket.

Live life and visit ''Barbles Rochechouart'' metro station next time you are in gay Pari. If nothing else it will make you appreciate the word ''conspicuous''.